Paul warns the Romans against being “high-minded” or “wise in [our] own conceits” (Romans 11:20; 12:16). Sinful pride must be avoided at all costs (Prov. 15:18, Rom. 12:16; Rom. 12:3). Romans 12:3 warns against thinking of ourselves more highly than we ought to think, but to “think soberly, according as God has dealt with every man a measure of faith.” First, the context is seen in what follows verse 3. Paul wanted them to think of themselves as people who are mutually reliant on one another’s strengths (12:4-8) 

Second, when he uses the word “soberly” he was discouraging the thought that one could do anything they wanted to do, or that they could be anything they wanted to be. Third, while he advocated self-control, he wanted his readers to think of themselves as dependent on one another and God. Ultimately, the Bible teaches that a healthy self-image is based on God’s view of us, not our views nor the opinion of others (2 Cor. 10:12-18).

One standard used to develop self-respect promotes loving yourself, promoting yourself and living for yourself while another standard emphasized loving others as yourself, humbling yourself, and dying to yourself. The first standard exclaims, “You’re not junk,” “You’re special.” “Don’t let yourself be used by others,” “Be yourself.” “Love yourself.” Admittedly, some of these have some merit as when a child is motivated to stay in school because someone believed in them or they were taught to believe in themselves. Yet, according to the second standard of the Scriptures, they are misleading. Saying a person can be what they want to be, for example, is true only up to a point. To say that we should never feel bad about what we have done is untrue. Encouraging no guilt, fear, regret, or accountability to no one but ourselves is at best a short fix. In the long run, efforts to make people feel better at the expense of truth lead to other problems.

The bible teaches us that we add value to our lives by adding God’s perspective. The path to this eventual self-esteem is challenging because it is often counter to the way we were taught. Seeing that we are the product of our teaching, as we add God’s perspective to our own, we will begin to think of ourselves and our world in ways we have never thought. It is, in my opinion, revolutionary. You may be wondering whether you want to read anymore. Please, do not be afraid. The happiness and inner peace that God offers is better than anything you stand to lose in the process. At first, the Bible’s approach to self-esteem will seem to go against all of your own instincts. If He is our creator, surely, he knows what’s best for us.

Loving Ourselves

Loving ourselves is put forward as a standard for treating others. If you do not love self, then all your interpersonal relationships including God’s will crumble. If I do not love myself, I will not treat my neighbor or my wife very good. If I feel like a got a bone rap from God and despise my body, and resent the fact that I’m not as pretty or good looking or smart as others, then I’m going to have trouble treating my wife appropriately (Ephesians 5:28-29).

The Bible does not attempt to convince us that we need to love ourselves, however. It assumes that we already do love ourselves (Matthew 22:39). He does not give a third commandment, “Love yourself.” It is like working a geometry problem. You have the given information upon which the problem can be solved. Sometimes, there is not enough information given to solve the problem. It is therefore, unsolvable. Most of the time, the given information is adequate toward a solution. The principle of loving self is always the given principle from which we begin. From this point of view, there is in all of us a natural inclination to love ourselves. Please, stay with me on this line of reasoning. Paul wrote in Ephesians 5:28-29, “Husbands ought to love their own wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, bout nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.” This natural love is an instinctive self-preservation that causes us to feed ourselves when hungry, cloth ourselves when cold, and protect ourselves when threatened. We tend to fight for our rights, defend ourselves and become agitated when others take advantage of us. We care so much for ourselves that we become sad, or depressed when circumstances do not measure up to our expectations. In fact, if we did not already love ourselves, we would not care whether or not we felt good about ourselves, what others thought of us, or what we looked like. In contrast to the humanistic gospel that encourages us to love ourselves, defend ourselves, and satisfy ourselves, the Bible does not employ this method. There is a reason which we will explore in our next article.